Ambivalent points on being strong

I was recently thinking about how eager people are seen and perceived by others...they are seen as strong people. And yes they are! They are resourceful and smart and can juggle loads of stuff at the same time, different types of people, a wide range of relationships, and competing challenges and priorities. They have a sense of direction and focus that keeps them going despite all odds and frequently get up to things that are impressive, challenge the status quo and influence the people and situations around them. But that is not the whole story...because - even though the above is indeed right - for every pat on the back there is a need for an equal measure of understanding and support. Goethe - perhaps the philosopher closer to my heart and mind - said that 'only people who do important things make important mistakes' and in the same way we could say that 'only people who are eager to have a strong impact on their environment need strong help and support emotionally, personally and professionally'. Strong is such  an elusive term.... it almost means that there is no room for weakness or doubt, no need for guidance and companionship. One constantly hears 'Oh, I am not afraid of you - you can handle this' - how unfortunate, unforgiving and unfair is this perception. And the reality is 'Yes, of course I can handle it, but I also find it quite challenging - could you please give me a hand?'.

I was talking to a friend* a few nights ago who is going through some difficult times and has taxed herself with solving the problem by herself because that is what she does as a strong person. Surely, she should be entitled to find the situation challenging and difficult - isn't that the nature of problems by definition anyway? Wouldn't admitting to the challenging nature of the situation that she is in also be the strongest course of action? Wouldn't that help identify where the difficulties lie and get on with solving or handling them?


The Victory of Samothrace
Louvre Museum, Paris

But she should know how to deal with this if she is strong, right? No. I am ever so increasingly being convinced that different people have different needs, and a need is exactly that - something that you can't handle, something that maybe a sixteen-year-old can do better than you and something that does not cancel out all of the other things that you can do in a friendly, emotionally mature and professional manner. It doesn't matter if one is a managing partner in a large firm, an entrepreneur, has a PhD or has had a number of successes of any sort throughout their personal and professional lives. In the same way that The Victory of Samothrace is a masterpiece that is missing its head (i.e. where perfection is married to imperfection), most talented and eager people will have some needs that under the desire and pressure for an impactful lifestyle can become compelling weaknesses. Of course, in the absence of the desire to have impact all needs are silenced.

So perhaps strong can also be that which seems to be weak and humane as it is in the process of eagerly achieving its potential and extending itself.

For an unrealistic and unhelpful understanding of what strong means, please click here.


PS. Any ideas?


*This is a fictional scenario - no friends were hurt in the making of this narrative. The inspiration for this piece is self-centred and self-inflicted.